nothingness

I'm not telling how I feel,

I feel nothing at all.

Every emotion is gone.

Don't care if I fall.

Can't tell up from down.

The world is spinning 'round.

And yet it all stands so still.

And nothing feels real.

I'm not sure what to say,

It doesn't make any sense.

There's nothing that goes right.

I see the door; the fence..

I see the world go by.

The clouds float in the sky.

Everything is making sound.

Except for me, I can't be found.

I don't see what to do.

The end seems so near.

The end of this war.

But there's nothing I can see clear.

In deep waters I still tred.

The cold wishing me dead.

But the ground holds more fear,

So I wanna just stay here.

Maybe let my heart drown,

In the water of salt.

Drown in my own missery,

Knowing its all my fault.

Even if its not the same.

I'm still going to take the blame.

It's easier for me to do.

Than to put some of it on you.

With knowing it's my fault,

It's easier to deal.

Easier for me to fix,

And feel what I need to feel.

Needing You

I lay crying, bleeding on the floor.

While my heart beggs for mercy.

You arent the only heart that's hurt.

I wish that you could just see.

I didn't choose him over you,

You've never made me mad.

I didn't push you out,

But now I'm missing you so bad.

I never left you out in the cold,

Somehow you stumbled out.

Somehow on your own.

And now my heart's a-shout.

I wont blame you, cuz I know,

A lot of it's my fault.

I want it back the way it was.

Now my wounds are covered in salt.

It feels like you left,

But I know it's probably just me.

My heart is reaching for you,

I wish you were with me.

The tears fall fast from my eyes,

As I read what you have wrote.

This is all the pain that I can take,

So I leave this little note.

Just so you know how much you meant,

And all that you still mean.

And hopefully one day you'll see,

How much I needed you with me.

How much I needed you by my side,

I tried hard to give you space.

But the more that was given,

The more tears rolled down my face.

Every tear was shed for you,

My warrior, my best friend.

No matter what it feels like,

I'll be with you till the end.

Im so so very sorry,

I really just want you back.

My heart screams for mercy,

And the world soon goes black.

I bleed from every wound,

With silence all around.

Waiting for you to come,

Waiting to be found.

A Game of Waiting

My path is laid before me,

Mistakes have closed the doors,

So maybe I'll give up,

And lay here on the floor.

I see nothing more to do.

Can't change the past right now.

I finally let you win,

Now let me tell you how.

While your cozy and sleeping,

Warm and in a soft bed.

I'll be sitting here,

Wishing I were dead.

I may just take a rope,

Tie a noose around my neck,

Kick over the chair.

Why not? What the heck.

Or I could slit my wrist,

With that icy metal blade.

Let my pain bleed out,

I'm done playing your maid.

If I found the gun.

I could put it to my brain.

Pull the trigger fast,

The quicker my life will drain.

Simply put, there's water.

So easily to drown.

And as I kill myself and sin,

The horns become my crown.

Or maybe I could wait,

And just say "Up yours!"

Wait for Karma to knock you down.

So you can kiss the floor.

Painful Truths

I want the truth but I dont know,

If I can handle it any more.

I've been hit from both sides,

And taken every blow.

My pride is wounded,

Beyond compare.

And sometimes I wonder,

If you really care.

Have you ever wondered,

How much I changed,

Just so I,

Could fit in the frame.

So much of me is lost,

I don't know me anymore.

But I can't change back,

You're higher in score.

I am the water,

While you're the rock.

I'm the moving hands,

On the same old clock.

I want to know,

What you have to say.

But will the truth,

Help me find my way?

I'm begining to wonder,

If I should just give in.

It just isn't working.

And my patience is thin.

So here me now,

And give me a break.

There's only so much I can give,

And only so much you can take.

I'm tired and hurt,

And don't know what to do,

And I cry as I see that I;

Just can't fill these shoes.

You set the standard,

The bar is too high,

So help me here,

I don't want a goodbye.

Need You Here

Wrap your arms around me,

You belong with me.

Hold me close and love me,

And soon you will see.

I beg you to stay,

Hold you back, dont go.

The world inside my mind...?

You dont even want to know.

But you can't leave me here,

All alone and cold,

In the black of memories,

From newest to the old.

I can't face my fears alone.

My friend will you stay.

And baby will you love me,

To keep the fears away.

Both, please hold me.

It's all that I shall need.

To be strong I need you,

Need you here with me.

Heartbreaker With Him.

I'm not your dream come true.

So leave me be, just shoo.

Get out, get gone Romeo,

Leave me now, let me go.

I'm not ur perfect princess,

In a pretty purple dress.

I'm not your Juliet,

So just forget all of it.

I belong to him forever.

And I wont leave him, never.

So just get it through your head.

Not a tear will you shed.

Yes, you are my friend,

Until the very end.

But can't you just see,

That's all you'll ever be.

Tearing Apart

I'm drowning in my tears,

Being pulled apart from either side.

I refuse to choose,

So why make me cry?

I understand the jealousy,

And the disagreements too.

But get it together now,

I'm staying with both of you.

Can't you see this fighting,

Actually really hurts,

I don't know what to do,

As I cry and curse.

I love you both, I do.

So very, very much.

Please don't make me choose,

So no more anger and fuss.

I feel like a rag doll,

Held in tiny toddler fists.

Being torn apart, in half.

I just want this to quit.

I want my friend, my sister,

To stay by my side.

I want him in my arms,

And both in my mind.

I dont just want one to give in,

It solves nothing at all.

Figure it out, work it out.

Before I slip and fall.

It's all up to you,

Find a way to fuse,

So none of us,

Not one of us lose.

It feels like my heart is tearing,

Neither I can leave behind.

So someone stop this now, get it!

Before I loose my mind.